Okay fellas. Sit down, strap in, and be prepared for the most mind boggling information available on the web when it comes to making your relationships last. To heck with Dr. Phil and all of those other doctors, authors, poets, etc that think they know what maintaining a love filled relationship means. I have all the answers right here......HA! I wish, but I am going to tell you what has helped me and hope that you can get something useful out of it.
Society has always played a major role in how we handle our relationships. We as men have adjusted ourselves to what we thought we were supposed to do. Not long ago, man would meet a woman, go out to the movies and dinner, get to know one another, and start progressing the relationship. Once marriage took place, the couple would get a house and start a family. The husband heads off to work, the wife stays home and takes care of the house and kids, and after awhile the couple has the house all to themselves again and can start enjoying one another's company during retirement. Ahhh...the American Dream.
It's not like that hardly at all anymore. Our significant others have gone off to work, the kids are in daycare, and we kill ourselves 70 hours a week at work trying to win that rat race (I will get into the rat race in a later blog). With all of this action going on, we feel so much stress in our lives and soon that woman that we love so much seems to turn into a co-worker rather than the person we fought so hard to be with. We can easily see why this has happened if we open our eyes. But why should it be that way? It doesn't have to be, men, and it is up to us to fix it (if it's broken) or make sure it doesn't need to ever be fixed. We MUST be the initiator otherwise it will not work.
For starters, you must ask yourself what our women did to us back in the day that made us want to be with them. Seriously...stop reading right now and REALLY think about what she did that made you decide you were in love with her.
Have you pinpointed that one or more things? If you couldn't come up with anything then I'd second guess being in a relationship with that person anyway. To me it says you were never in love, but maybe infatuated instead. That means by continuing to read, you are doing it for either the learning experience or to see how much of an idiot I am. You be your own judge. For those of you who were able to come up with at least one thing, do you feel that same way now? What was the relationship like in the beginning? Crazy and carefree right? You always wanted to be with her, couldn't keep her out of your head, bought her random gifts just because, etc, etc, etc. If you still aren't doing those things then my question is why not? Because society has played such a role in YOUR relationship. You feel like you just don't have the time to do anything anymore, right? Wrong. There is absolutely nothing more important in your home and in your life than the person you chose to be with for the rest of your life. Why do you think there are so many shows on TV now that reflect this importance? Seriously, if we as men were so in love with our women, then "Desperate Housewives, Cheaters, and The Good Wife" would not have ever been created. It is through the neglect of love that these shows came to life and started infecting our brains. To this I issue the following ideas:
1. Make sure you tell her "I love you" daily...and mean it. Look into her eyes and let her know she is yours. There is nothing more important than making sure she knows you really care.
2. The next time you see her, bring her a random edible gift. Nothing extravagant. Chocolate Kisses, a Slurpee, Twizzlers, or whatever you know she likes to snack on. When I do it, one of them I call "Flying Chocolate" and it became a game. "I was on the way home and while at the stop light, this stupid Twix flew right into my car and landed in the passenger seat. Things are getting crazy out there!"
3. Never be afraid to dance...anywhere at anytime. Parking lots, restaurants, living rooms, and other people's weddings are great places. This is another way of maintaining physical contact without sex and because you're doing it in public, it lets her know she is your queen...and she should be!
4. Go to bed early and snuggle up to a movie. My wife and I do this almost every single night. Even if we don't watch the entire movie, we mostly end up with good pillow talk on how each other's days went and that communication door is always open.
5. Get your butt in the kitchen and make a meal!! Not Ramen and Mac & Cheese! A real meal. If you think you can't cook, give it a try anyway. My buddy Kevin cooks a ton in his house and I know his wife really appreciates it. It's not a chore, but rather a way to show you care and you learn something along the way.
6. Never forget the people you were early in the relationship. If you were goofy like my wife and I were, then don't be afraid to pull over on the side of the road and run through the city sprinklers, dance like idiots in the car while waiting for the light to change to green, or mock Gerard Butler's dance in just your boxers and suspenders in the movie "P.S. I Love You". (That's right...watch and learn those chick flicks!)
There are so many things that you can do to never let that flame dwindle. It is up to you to make sure that fire is always going strong. You are the fuel and she is the flame. Never forget how much she means to you and don't let anybody tell you different. People fall apart when they fail to communicate and to love. We are supposed to be combining as one person....not continuing as a separate pair. That my friends is the real life...and it's free!
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame."
-Song of Solomon 8:6
Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
Technology is AWESOME! So why do I despise it?
Guess what I'm doing right now? I'll give you a clue. My rear end is almost on the ground and my feet are being warmed by a somewhat overweight dog.
Yep, I'm on the internet pecking away at my keyboard. I'm obviously blogging right now, but at the same time I know that Sep and Jen's children are NOT the most spoiled kids in the world, Ron's dogs are upset over their new diet, Chantal is making drastic changes in her life, Azra got free coffee from Starbucks because one of their employees thought it would be a great tribute to the 26 victims of Sandy Hook if they paid for and gave out free coffee to 26 customers in remembrance, and Lee had to ride his single speed bike to work today because his commuter bike crapped out on him. It took me 15 minutes to gather this info because Facebook allows me to stay connected to all my friends and peek in on their lives without any disruption in my own. Hang on....I just got a text from and old friend from Schnitzer. BRB....
Well, it's nice to hear Brenda and family are doing well in Cali. No major changes from the last time we chatted via text. She and her friend are trying to start a new kiosk and are looking for investors. I offered $5 to which she responded with an LOL. I wonder if she really did the LOL, or just smiled?
All of this made me wonder, if we are so much more connected to our friends because of social media and other technology, then why do we feel so disconnected? Why? Why are people friends for years and because of one difference of opinion on politics, religion, a sports team, or any other debatable conversation suddenly gone from our lives like a plastic Wal-Mart bag in a brisk Wisconsin winter wind? Why?
How many times have you read someone's FB status and wondered if they were talking about you in a negative way? Ever been texting and a questionable response made you wonder if it was meant as a joke or if the sender was being serious? You know why you feel that way? Because all of this technology has taken away something. Your tone of voice for starters. It can be hard at times, depending on the conversation, what someone actually meant when they posted, texted, emailed, etc. And as we grow closer via technology, we end up further apart because there is no phone or face time. Isn't so much easier to just let friends and family be ignored when you don't have to see them as much anymore? Isn't it time to realize what you lose by living life traveling down this technological highway? Do you really "know" your friends and family anymore? I don't think so. Don't get me wrong here. I think that social media is great, but it is up to us as human beings to not get so caught up in it that we allow it to control our lives.
Think of someone you have been close with for 10 years. Think of how often you ate dinner together, talked on the phone, or just simply hung out together. Do you still do that as much? I understand in the last 10 years things do change. You get married, have kids, have a career, and it just seems like there is not enough time in the day to do the things you'd like. So we turn to social media to stay "caught up" in the lives of those close to us. You can read so much about your friends in a short amount of time and feel you still know them and that they are still breathing. How can you really maintain a relationship with those around you if you are pretty much restricting yourself to reading about them? Face time is so important and we overlook it. Do you REALLY know about the "friend" who's status you're reading. I hope so.
I know there are days I just feel angry at the world. Am I going to post that on FB? Am I going to text that to my sister? Probably not, for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because that feeling is not something you throw out there on a whim. Now if I'm talking to my sister on the phone, there's a good chance she's going to notice a change in my normal demeanor and ask what's up. Thus a real conversation starts and there is no question in her or my mind of what's going on and what the real feelings are that are being projected. There is no need to read between the lines. There isn't a button to "Like" what her perception of my thoughts are. The interaction of two people is being done without being misconstrued, or if it is, it can be explained there and now.
To me, there is nothing nicer than sitting on the patio at Lee and Cassie's on a Friday night or hanging out with the Venable's on Sunday evening. So much conversation takes place and it makes me feel good deep in my heart. I know them and they know me. There is no guessing on typed thoughts or opinions. We can debate about anything and walk away respecting each other's opinion. Nobody just gets up and walks away while de-friending on the way out the door. Why? Because we know, love, and respect each other. We don't have to read between the lines and wonder...we know. How many of your FB friends carry that same feeling in your heart? If you're like me, not as many as there should be. It's time for us as a society to make a change in how we interact with one another; how we express our love and compassion for one another. I'll leave you with this to dwell on for today and I'll rant some more down the road:
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
-Proverbs 18:24
Yep, I'm on the internet pecking away at my keyboard. I'm obviously blogging right now, but at the same time I know that Sep and Jen's children are NOT the most spoiled kids in the world, Ron's dogs are upset over their new diet, Chantal is making drastic changes in her life, Azra got free coffee from Starbucks because one of their employees thought it would be a great tribute to the 26 victims of Sandy Hook if they paid for and gave out free coffee to 26 customers in remembrance, and Lee had to ride his single speed bike to work today because his commuter bike crapped out on him. It took me 15 minutes to gather this info because Facebook allows me to stay connected to all my friends and peek in on their lives without any disruption in my own. Hang on....I just got a text from and old friend from Schnitzer. BRB....
Well, it's nice to hear Brenda and family are doing well in Cali. No major changes from the last time we chatted via text. She and her friend are trying to start a new kiosk and are looking for investors. I offered $5 to which she responded with an LOL. I wonder if she really did the LOL, or just smiled?
All of this made me wonder, if we are so much more connected to our friends because of social media and other technology, then why do we feel so disconnected? Why? Why are people friends for years and because of one difference of opinion on politics, religion, a sports team, or any other debatable conversation suddenly gone from our lives like a plastic Wal-Mart bag in a brisk Wisconsin winter wind? Why?
How many times have you read someone's FB status and wondered if they were talking about you in a negative way? Ever been texting and a questionable response made you wonder if it was meant as a joke or if the sender was being serious? You know why you feel that way? Because all of this technology has taken away something. Your tone of voice for starters. It can be hard at times, depending on the conversation, what someone actually meant when they posted, texted, emailed, etc. And as we grow closer via technology, we end up further apart because there is no phone or face time. Isn't so much easier to just let friends and family be ignored when you don't have to see them as much anymore? Isn't it time to realize what you lose by living life traveling down this technological highway? Do you really "know" your friends and family anymore? I don't think so. Don't get me wrong here. I think that social media is great, but it is up to us as human beings to not get so caught up in it that we allow it to control our lives.
Think of someone you have been close with for 10 years. Think of how often you ate dinner together, talked on the phone, or just simply hung out together. Do you still do that as much? I understand in the last 10 years things do change. You get married, have kids, have a career, and it just seems like there is not enough time in the day to do the things you'd like. So we turn to social media to stay "caught up" in the lives of those close to us. You can read so much about your friends in a short amount of time and feel you still know them and that they are still breathing. How can you really maintain a relationship with those around you if you are pretty much restricting yourself to reading about them? Face time is so important and we overlook it. Do you REALLY know about the "friend" who's status you're reading. I hope so.
I know there are days I just feel angry at the world. Am I going to post that on FB? Am I going to text that to my sister? Probably not, for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because that feeling is not something you throw out there on a whim. Now if I'm talking to my sister on the phone, there's a good chance she's going to notice a change in my normal demeanor and ask what's up. Thus a real conversation starts and there is no question in her or my mind of what's going on and what the real feelings are that are being projected. There is no need to read between the lines. There isn't a button to "Like" what her perception of my thoughts are. The interaction of two people is being done without being misconstrued, or if it is, it can be explained there and now.
To me, there is nothing nicer than sitting on the patio at Lee and Cassie's on a Friday night or hanging out with the Venable's on Sunday evening. So much conversation takes place and it makes me feel good deep in my heart. I know them and they know me. There is no guessing on typed thoughts or opinions. We can debate about anything and walk away respecting each other's opinion. Nobody just gets up and walks away while de-friending on the way out the door. Why? Because we know, love, and respect each other. We don't have to read between the lines and wonder...we know. How many of your FB friends carry that same feeling in your heart? If you're like me, not as many as there should be. It's time for us as a society to make a change in how we interact with one another; how we express our love and compassion for one another. I'll leave you with this to dwell on for today and I'll rant some more down the road:
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
-Proverbs 18:24
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Positively Positive...I Think
First off, I must tell you that I am by no means a writer, poet, expert, professional problem solver, know-it-all, or anything of the sorts. I do however dabble in real life, just like the rest of you, and do my best to make the right decisions based on my own thinking. This is my first blog of any sort and there is a strong possibility I will mess it up somewhere along the line. Not because I'm not positive in my thoughts, but because I am positive I am not much of a technical writer and have never blogged. I will jump off course and then come back to it. I will type slowly because I only use 2 fingers; a "pecker" I believe it's called. I will positively share my opinions...not positively meaning "all good", but positively meaning I'm positive I'm going to do it. So with that being said, here we go:
Today marks my 52nd day of being unemployed...sort of. I was laid off from my previous job because my position was being eliminated. About 2 weeks after, I got a "job" that still has yet to pay me. Not because they owe me, but because I haven't completed my training. You may ask why it takes so long to complete training, and my answer is simple. I should have thought it through before accepting the position. In order for my training to be complete, I have to sell. I am by no means afraid to sell. I just have a problem with selling as it relates to ethics. This company is not unethical, but usually doesn't supply the end customer with a product to fully fit their needs. I'll compare it to buying a new car. When these dealerships have car sales going on and advertise certain prices, you're not told that it's the base model, and if you want upgrades, they cost extra. My company is virtually the same way, but with a different product. It's the old sales tactic of "getting the customer in the door" technique. That's not how I operate at all. Honesty, integrity, and pure respect are what makes a good company great.
So here I sit, on the couch, blogging and looking for suitable work. There are a lot of jobs out there, but nothing I can find for myself. I have submitted over 30 resumes and have heard all the excuses in the world. "You're overqualified, you have the experience but not the college degree, we're looking for someone down the road", etc. It seems like most companies are downsizing in almost every industry. Heck, I couldn't even get a job at McDonald's! Not because of being overqualified, but because they knew their pay didn't fit my pay scale. They new if a better job came, I'd be gone in a second, and they can't run their business with that kind of turnover. I can't say I'd hire me either. So, I'll continue to look, and pray to the good Lord; not for a job, but for what He sees best for me and my family. Ahhh...another positive. Real, old fashioned faith.
In closing for today's entry, I want to say thank you for reading. I'm not sure if anyone will ever read this as I don't know how to share it, but if I happen to figure that out, thanks! My future entries will be more on base about me, my life, my opinions, and anything else I can think of. Isn't that what a blog is for? I'm pretty positive it is....
Today marks my 52nd day of being unemployed...sort of. I was laid off from my previous job because my position was being eliminated. About 2 weeks after, I got a "job" that still has yet to pay me. Not because they owe me, but because I haven't completed my training. You may ask why it takes so long to complete training, and my answer is simple. I should have thought it through before accepting the position. In order for my training to be complete, I have to sell. I am by no means afraid to sell. I just have a problem with selling as it relates to ethics. This company is not unethical, but usually doesn't supply the end customer with a product to fully fit their needs. I'll compare it to buying a new car. When these dealerships have car sales going on and advertise certain prices, you're not told that it's the base model, and if you want upgrades, they cost extra. My company is virtually the same way, but with a different product. It's the old sales tactic of "getting the customer in the door" technique. That's not how I operate at all. Honesty, integrity, and pure respect are what makes a good company great.
So here I sit, on the couch, blogging and looking for suitable work. There are a lot of jobs out there, but nothing I can find for myself. I have submitted over 30 resumes and have heard all the excuses in the world. "You're overqualified, you have the experience but not the college degree, we're looking for someone down the road", etc. It seems like most companies are downsizing in almost every industry. Heck, I couldn't even get a job at McDonald's! Not because of being overqualified, but because they knew their pay didn't fit my pay scale. They new if a better job came, I'd be gone in a second, and they can't run their business with that kind of turnover. I can't say I'd hire me either. So, I'll continue to look, and pray to the good Lord; not for a job, but for what He sees best for me and my family. Ahhh...another positive. Real, old fashioned faith.
In closing for today's entry, I want to say thank you for reading. I'm not sure if anyone will ever read this as I don't know how to share it, but if I happen to figure that out, thanks! My future entries will be more on base about me, my life, my opinions, and anything else I can think of. Isn't that what a blog is for? I'm pretty positive it is....
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