Monday, December 24, 2012

For the Guys: "I Love You...So Why are We Falling Apart?"

Okay fellas.  Sit down, strap in, and be prepared for the most mind boggling information available on the web when it comes to making your relationships last.  To heck with Dr. Phil and all of those other doctors, authors, poets, etc that think they know what maintaining a love filled relationship means.  I have all the answers right here......HA!  I wish, but I am going to tell you what has helped me and hope that you can get something useful out of it.

Society has always played a major role in how we handle our relationships.  We as men have adjusted ourselves to what we thought we were supposed to do.  Not long ago, man would meet a woman, go out to the movies and dinner, get to know one another, and start progressing the relationship.  Once marriage took place, the couple would get a house and start a family.  The husband heads off to work, the wife stays home and takes care of the house and kids, and after awhile the couple has the house all to themselves again and can start enjoying one another's company during retirement.  Ahhh...the American Dream.

It's not like that hardly at all anymore.  Our significant others have gone off to work, the kids are in daycare, and we kill ourselves 70 hours a week at work trying to win that rat race (I will get into the rat race in a later blog).  With all of this action going on, we feel so much stress in our lives and soon that woman that we love so much seems to turn into a co-worker rather than the person we fought so hard to be with.  We can easily see why this has happened if we open our eyes.  But why should it be that way?  It doesn't have to be, men, and it is up to us to fix it (if it's broken) or make sure it doesn't need to ever be fixed.  We MUST be the initiator otherwise it will not work.

For starters, you must ask yourself what our women did to us back in the day that made us want to be with them.  Seriously...stop reading right now and REALLY think about what she did that made you decide you were in love with her.

Have you pinpointed that one or more things?  If you couldn't come up with anything then I'd second guess being in a relationship with that person anyway.  To me it says you were never in love, but maybe infatuated instead.  That means by continuing to read, you are doing it for either the learning experience or to see how much of an idiot I am.  You be your own judge.  For those of you who were able to come up with at least one thing, do you feel that same way now?  What was the relationship like in the beginning?  Crazy and carefree right?  You always wanted to be with her, couldn't keep her out of your head, bought her random gifts just because, etc, etc, etc.  If you still aren't doing those things then my question is why not?  Because society has played such a role in YOUR relationship.  You feel like you just don't have the time to do anything anymore, right?  Wrong.  There is absolutely nothing more important in your home and in your life than the person you chose to be with for the rest of your life.  Why do you think there are so many shows on TV now that reflect this importance?  Seriously, if we as men were so in love with our women, then "Desperate Housewives, Cheaters, and The Good Wife" would not have ever been created.  It is through the neglect of love that these shows came to life and started infecting our brains.  To this I issue the following ideas:

1.  Make sure you tell her "I love you" daily...and mean it.  Look into her eyes and let her know she is yours.  There is nothing more important than making sure she knows you really care.

2.  The next time you see her, bring her a random edible gift.  Nothing extravagant.  Chocolate Kisses,  a Slurpee, Twizzlers, or whatever you know she likes to snack on.  When I do it, one of them I call "Flying Chocolate" and it became a game.  "I was on the way home and while at the stop light, this stupid Twix flew right into my car and landed in the passenger seat.  Things are getting crazy out there!"

3.  Never be afraid to dance...anywhere at anytime.  Parking lots, restaurants, living rooms, and other people's weddings are great places.  This is another way of maintaining physical contact without sex and because you're doing it in public, it lets her know she is your queen...and she should be!

4.  Go to bed early and snuggle up to a movie.  My wife and I do this almost every single night.  Even if we don't watch the entire movie, we mostly end up with good pillow talk on how each other's days went and that communication door is always open.

5.  Get your butt in the kitchen and make a meal!!  Not Ramen and Mac & Cheese!  A real meal.  If you think you can't cook, give it a try anyway.  My buddy Kevin cooks a ton in his house and I know his wife really appreciates it.  It's not a chore, but rather a way to show you care and you learn something along the way.

6.  Never forget the people you were early in the relationship.  If you were goofy like my wife and I were, then don't be afraid to pull over on the side of the road and run through the city sprinklers, dance like idiots in the car while waiting for the light to change to green, or mock Gerard Butler's dance in just your boxers and suspenders in the movie "P.S. I Love You".  (That's right...watch and learn those chick flicks!)

There are so many things that you can do to never let that flame dwindle.  It is up to you to make sure that fire is always going strong.  You are the fuel and she is the flame.  Never forget how much she means to you and don't let anybody tell you different.  People fall apart when they fail to communicate and to love.  We are supposed to be combining as one person....not continuing as a separate pair.  That my friends is the real life...and it's free!

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame."
-Song of Solomon 8:6

 

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